Day 70: Spring has sprung

The news during the middle of last week indicated that rather than try and go to work as they had been advised to do most of the people in Britain decided as true Brits do to take the day off when the sun is shining. The pictures in the papers indicated that half the country had flocked to the coast or the countryside. 

So what will this bank holiday Monday bring I thought. Surely on a sunny day like today, with everyone off and lockdown rules relaxed in a vague, interpret-to-suit-yourself way, there won’t be hundreds of people heading to the parks like there always are? There are? So why not head off to one of Britain’s corona hotspots? There’s no better way to expose yourself to a virus than stripping near-nude and sitting in close proximity to other hot, sweating people exhaling lovely infectious clouds of droplets, but do remember to keep wiping your brow! 

There’s absolutely loads of the Lake District or the New Forest and in theory enough room for many thousands to roam so make sure to head to that one car park you always go to and go on the same walk you always go on because it’s easy and flat, while tutting at everyone else who’s done exactly the same thing.

Or why not simply have a BBQ and invite friends and family round for a paper plateful of charred meat. Should the police come knocking, explain you were only having a barbecue and it’s ‘exceptional circumstances.’ They’ll understand, and let you carry on just as they did with Dominic Cummings.

Or as a last resort why not cut out the middleman, stop taking your chances with community infection, and head straight to the intensive care unit of your local hospital? Take a picnic and spread your blanket over a spare bed, then munch pork pies while watching frantic medics trying to save lives. You’ll be dry-coughing before you even get home.

Meanwhile I will be staying at home and staying alert although having seen Henry and his beautifully trimmed locks the other day I have come to realise that ‘staying alert’ may help me avoid the corona for the moment but it certainly isn’t going to do anything to stop Father Time. Being vigilant against the signs of ageing might allow for some panic measures like dying my hair or buying some young person’s tight jeans, but it’s a losing battle. In fact alertness just highlights things like wrinkles, constant tiredness and grey hairs.