Day 58: Independence Day


Today is the day of freedom for some and back to work for those who can. The highlight in our household though is the return of golf. Not for me of course but for the Husband. This means that all household chores, garden clearing, sorting and tidying that he has been doing for weeks has now come to an abrupt end. It only took him about 4 hours to book a tee-time for today so he is finally appreciating what I have been going through all day every day trying to get slots at supermarkets. Of course like supermarkets the golf courses are now chock-a-block as everyone is rushing out to play. His course is probably busier than London Underground today. My lovely neighbour (he of the prison background) has not been able to get a slot for golf today so is sulking at home I believe and probably downing copious glasses of his wine and Domestos cocktail, much to the despair of his long suffering wife! Although at least we’re not having to deal with the dilemma of the course that straddles the England/Wales border and therefore different rules on whether golfing is allowed or not. Best to remember that no self-respecting lawbreaker would ever wear plus-fours and move on.


I am contemplating how to get my cleaner to return as I believe she is allowed back into my home now as long as I keep a statutory 6 metres away. That’s no problem at all and as she hasn’t been for the last 2 months I will happily sit in the garden in the rain just to have her clean my house. The other mystifying piece of advice is that once inside, she has to “wash her hands for 20 seconds and is urged to continue to do so during her time at my home.” A man has obviously come up with this splendid piece of advice and I would like to ask whoever it is just when is she supposed to do the cleaning if she’s washing her hands the whole time. I fear that her hands will be so rough that by rubbing them together she would produce enough sparks to start a fire.



It’s now been so long since she was here that I’m going to have to flick a duster round and probably a vacuum too before I ask her to return as I don’t want her to think I’m a total slob, but I have yet to find the cleaning equipment. I’d better give the windows a quick once over while I’m at it so I can see her when she arrives.


Hairdressers we have heard will not be back until July at the earliest, this is really getting very worrying indeed especially as I find that the husband is looking at me across the breakfast table thinking who is this woman - she has completely different hair and skin to the woman who lives here normally just who is she? He couldn’t think of a polite way of asking me the other day why I suddenly looked like an older greyer sister that I don’t have. I therefore sought advice from my actual sister who is considerably younger than me but just as vain!! We decided that as we are being advised to wear a face mask (which means we don’t have to talk to people, wear make-up below the nose, or smile half-heartedly at people we’d rather not acknowledge) the hair is still a problem. She suggested a hat but I have a better idea. Why don’t we all wear a niquab. This way we sort out the disastrous hair and the mask situation. Knowing my luck I'll be accused of being a terrorist and get carted off to prison but as I’ve said before I’m probably headed there anyway.



My favourite comment on the new lockdown rules which I read today, comes from author Christine Armstrong who said: “Golf but no haircuts. That’s what you get when you put men in charge”. Quite. New Zealand has reported 21 deaths and has a woman in charge. I apparently have 3 degrees of separation from their PM the fabulous Jacinda Ardern so hopefully that’s my visa sorted. And as far as I know they’re not known for their golf courses either…

Comments

  1. SarahMay 13, 2020 at 3:03 PM

    Of the many contradictory and conflicting rules I've been reading about, I'm clinging to one that says in order to see my mother any time soon, she needs to visit my house as my cleaner. I know you say I never see you so just letting you know I would be quite up for that.... xxx

    ReplyDelete
  2. MamaMay 14, 2020 at 2:21 PM

    My darling daughter..please pay attention to this blog. I do NOT do housework and you're certainly not getting my cleaner if I ever see her again 😥

    ReplyDelete

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