Day 34: The Beautiful Game

For many people, the reality of what lockdown entails was embodied by the steady cancellation of sporting events . There was initial (doubtless financially-driven) resistance. But then, with the inevitability of a domino rally, the colossuses all started to fall.  The end of the Six Nations. The Premier League. The Champions League. Euro 2020. Nine Grand Prix races. The Boat Race. The Grand National. The Tokyo Olympics. The Masters. Wimbledon. 

Now, there are quite a few things in the list above I would ordinarily have thought I'd be delighted to see the back of.  But I'm belatedly realising my shortsightedness. 

In the time Before Corona I would have had every other Saturday afternoon to myself as the husband poodled off to watch his local football team. Then his Sundays were spent watching football, rugby or golf on TV. During the week there was generally football on TV most evenings and of course in the summer we have cricket and yet more golf for days on end. 

 Don’t misunderstand me, I like cricket, my son plays cricket and has done since he was about 5 years old and he now coaches cricket or rather at this precise time in our lives he is NOT coaching cricket he is coaching absolutely nothing. Both he and my husband are like lost souls and have no idea why Sky Sports was ever invented as they certainly don’t enjoy watching re-runs of the original Olympic Games from Athens. Or listening to last year's Ashes on TMS (which to retain authenticity and dramatic tension include the original rain delays). 

I find this a tad ironic given their previous insistence watching the highlights of a game they've literally just seen live in full.



Therefore to keep all you sports fans entertained I have come up with a few suggestions of how to recreate the excitement of watching live sport now that the Corona has stripped it from your life, or rather, how to fill the hole where yelling at sweaty people on TV used to be.
  • Nourish that competitive spirit by staging live events in your own home. Or why not put two household appliances on at the same time and see which one completes its cycle first, whilst singing “You’ll never wash alone!”
  • Missing the tension and arguments that sport used to bring to your life? Then why not try provoking your family? You could deliberately stoke the passive-aggression by casually mentioning to your wife/partner that gravity doesn't exist or encourage a full-scale argument by telling your newly vegan sibling that climate change isn't real. Just as exciting and frustrating as any professional sports match
  • Missing the camaraderie? Conflicting expert opinions about how best to tackle coronavirus offer the perfect opportunity to choose your favourite epidemiologist and really get behind them. Create a WhatsApp group of fellow supporters so you can trade identical opinions late into the night, and don’t forget to send abuse to anyone who supports an opposing mitigation strategy)
  • I generally listen endlessly to predictions for the end of the season with a will they won’t they stay up, go down or once again the manager being sacked. Opinions I hasten to add that mean nothing at all to me. Recovery rates, missed chances, interception attempts, touches, assists, all of these familiar stats to sports fans are still relevant in the Corona league, so get into it and soon you’ll be obsessing over the numbers with the same fervour
  • Create a fantasy loo roll league. It’s all about making the right choices: do you go all out and try to get your hands on a highly sought-after 12-pack of Andrex supreme quilts? Or do you settle for the scratchy stuff from the corner shop? It costs less, but when it comes down to it, will it perform?
All of the above can be enhanced by taking a leaf from BBC sports commentator Andrew Cotter's book and providing live commentary and expert analysis on your everyday activities.

Have just read that lockdown for over seventies may last for 12 months. While my husband assures me I'll have mastered the offiside rule in this time, I'm much more excited by the prospect that Gary Linker announces Captain Tom Moore (the 99 year old army veteran who's raised over £23m for the NHS by doing 100 laps of his garden)  as Sports Personality of the Year.  

Comments

  1. SarahApril 19, 2020 at 3:35 PM

    In hindsight my Cheltenham trip was ill advised. But Barcelona had already cancelled my champions league tickets so what’s a girl to do? I did raise over £200 for the NHS on a virtual grand national sweepstake.

    Having discovered how to upload custom backgrounds, have decided all my MS Teams meetings this week are taking place from sporting venues.

    Missing live sport is a very real affliction. Investing in a PS4 that allows my boyfriend to play virtual football and golf has literally saved my relationship.

    Let’s all get behind Tom Moore for #spoty

    ReplyDelete
  2. SarahApril 19, 2020 at 3:39 PM

    PS With vouchers being the new form of wealth, I think between BA, Barcelona and Lords I may be rich in the post corona world...

    ReplyDelete

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