Day 24: Supermarket sweeping
My daily exercise and shopping were combined today as it now takes at least a good half hour walking around the supermarket carpark. Even though I have been going for the ‘oldies’ hour I have decided I am not doing this anymore. People are getting older and older and more infirm and frankly it’s quite depressing. I prefer yelling at families shopping en masse. The average age on oldies mornings is about 86 I estimate – that or they have been walking round the car park for years in a trance. One gentleman I spoke to said that he usually got all his shopping online but that it was now impossible so he had had to venture out for the first time in years. This is appalling and not what good old Mike from Sainsbury has been telling me at all. In fact I have come to the conclusion that it is all a ploy and the governments way of just obliterating the OAPs of this country. Why is everybody in the queue old and predominantly male? Even on the non oldies day it’s always the same and the queues are getting longer. Think I know the answer to this – all the young people have booked their home deliveries as they are spending all day every day on their iPads. Frankly I have better things to do with my time and am not that selfish.
Just what is everyone wearing now? I have seen any number of gloves – official medical ones, Marigolds, woollen, and even those little plastic gloves they supply in the garage for putting diesel in your car. The face masks are becoming more outrageous by the minute we have scarves wrapped round heads leaving only the eyes clear and on top of this is a mask that probably keeps asbestos out but trust me will do nothing to deter the corona whatever you think. I am just going to opt for the full hazmat suit from next week as we are now inured to the foibles of the masses. Who on earth will question the buying habits of an oddball who looks like they’ve wandered out of Chernobyl especially if they’re over 70? Dressed like this all I then have to do is walk urgently round the store making it look like I’m buying essentials as I don’t want to be judged by all when I just buy wine, crisps and chocolate. I suggest if you don’t want to be accused of unnecessary purchasing of non-essentials you try buying Paracetamol, this is a cheap and cheerful way of transforming your snack run into a life or death search for medical supplies. Of course they will be sold out so then make a song and dance about the lack of medication on the shelves and rush to the chocolate aisle once again.
The latest and most annoying claim that shoppers are making is that they are shopping either for elderly or vulnerable people. They are NOT telling the truth – trust me all the oldies and vulnerable people are queuing round the car park on their zimmer frames whilst trying to push a trolley – NOBODY is doing their shopping for them!!
I heard from a friend of mine today whose excited elderly mother had contacted her with great delight earlier yesterday evening to say that as she's officially 'vulnerable' Enfield Council had delivered a 'basics box' which, amongst other things, contained (in the words of her Mum): 3 carrots, a BIG onion and a packet of 'tubes'. After some forensic questioning which ruled out that she didn't mean straws, my friend identified it as macaroni and that the stuff she was calling 'ton' must be tuna. It was therefore explained that the whole point of the box was to reduce the need for her to have to go out to the shops. Her mum has decided that that would be fine if only she hadn't received 3 carrots and a BIG onion which meant that now she MUST go out and get some meat to go with them. Yet another old and vulnerable person in the queue. This dear lady though does think the Council have been really considerate and kind, and she's very touched by it. But I hasten to add that our memories fail us very quickly at our age and that last week she was maligning them to anyone within earshot for not emptying her green bin 'and that as they wouldn’t be around again for two weeks she commented that grass really smells if it's left for too long.’ Again a bit like old people!!
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