Glossary of terms



It feels that a whole new lexicon is emerging as fast as this virus is spreading. I have taken the liberty of providing a dictionary to help decipher the latest lingo. Do use comments to add your own or ask for clarification of new terminology – I will keep updating!





Community spirit Uncommon state thought to be in terminal decline but showing signs of a resurgence.



Community spread Not a locally sourced and produced preserve, but something rather more unsanitary which means, unlike Ramsay St, good neighbours are no longer good friends.



Congregate settings One of the top examples of places where ‘people gather and have contact with each other’ is commonly ‘jail’. If congregate settings are being outlawed I dread to think what this means for the judicial system. Last time we had to free this many prisoners we sent them in boats to Australia...



Coronavirus/COVID-19 How we got into this bloody mess.



Curve, flattening the Government-speak to imply they are controlling the situation rather than careering around corners like the Duke of Edinburgh in charge of a Formula 1 car.



Daily update Imitation being the sincerest form of flattery, am encouraged by the Prime Minister following my lead. I leave it to you to decide which daily update you prefer. Do click ‘subscribe’ to be notified by email of my new posts (checkmate, Boris).



Home, working from A previous loophole used by office workers to secure a quasi-day off who have now had their bluff called and are having to actually work. From home.



Obesity Inevitable consequence of being told to stay indoors, while the Government orders the closure of gyms and leisure centres while keeping takeaways open.



Quarantine Where we used to put our dog when travelling abroad. Now where we put everyone (without the foreign travel).



Self-isolation Contradiction in terms which makes home imprisonment sound like a choice when actually the government will shortly be calling in the army to enforce it.

Social distancing I thought I invented this concept with my attitude to my Children making suitable new friends at school but apparently has now been commandeered to mean maintaining a 2m distance from every other person in the world (see Laugh, having a).



Teleworking Daughter told me she was now doing this and I was aghast before she explained that didn’t in fact mean she had turned to manning a sex hotline, but rather was ‘remote working’ (see also ‘Home, working from).



Vulnerable Person Moi?




Comments

  1. Cornish MaidMarch 22, 2020 at 2:25 AM

    For anyone who has not heard this little ditty, that is particularly suitable for a Sunday in these alternative tImes, I recommend listening to Richard Stilgoe's "Mrs Beamish". Beautiful, sunny day here in Cornwall, hope it is the same for everyone else.














    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Day 5: Out of the mouths of babes Before the lockdown moves from advisory to martial law, I took the opportunity this week to visit my 7 year old twin god daughters as it could be the last time I see them before they go to university. They seemed quite well apart from an annoying cough and being a little warm but I put that down to the central heating. It was however an opportunity to talk to somebody sane and normal and chat about ordinary things and not the Corona. They are very polite girls and were curious about my necklace. The conversation went as follows: -That’s nice what is made of? -Gold -Is that bit gold? -Yes -Is that bit gold? -Yes -Is it all gold? -Yes -Can I have it when you die? I didn’t stay long.
Read more
Day 25: Happy Easter As it’s Easter this weekend I was considering taking a mini break but have nowhere to go and no means of getting there so it has been suggested to me that to get away from it all it may be an idea to quarter my garden, develop a different theme for each area and then roll a dice to select the 'mini break quadrant'  Ordinarily I’d think this was completely mad, but you know what, I’ve already started planning it. In fact even though I can say hand on heart that I have never and will never go camping this is the one time when nobody will see me and I won’t see anybody so nobody is going to care what I look like least of all me!! I am therefore going to join in with a national campaign to ‘camp out’ at home – well in the garden. Campers up and down the country will be supposedly keeping their spirits up (mine will be wine of course) – and raising money for the NHS we’ll see how it goes. It’s also my birthday on Sunday, not the first ...
Read more
Image
Day 6 (Mother's Day): the good, the bad and the ugly Mothering Sunday and at last some news that people are being a bit kinder and more thoughtful to one another. I am delighted that the NHS staff are being singled out to get special treatment. So well done to the black cab drivers for offering them free rides and Chelsea FC and Philip Neville for making their hotels available to them for free. Eton I have been informed is staying open for the children of key workers without any fees. Superstars are giving free concerts on Twitter and the homeless of London are being put up in hotels. Brilliant - at last people who are thinking of not only themselves but others. I was concerned about NHS staff not having access to essential foods due to the mindless ransacking of supermarkets whilst they were working round the clock and was delighted to hear that the supermarkets are including them in designated shopping times . However, I don’t think the supermarkets have quite got th...
Read more