Day 9: The world's a funny old place 

In these strange times the world really has got smaller and as I am by necessity now glued to the internet I have been fascinated by various snippets about the ways in which others are coping.



The Germans, predictably, have come up with a website that calculates the resilience of your loo roll stockpile, based on average visits per day and sheets per wipe. The site then tells you the optimal amount to buy in a given timeframe. Evidently a pack of 10 rolls should see the average person through 53 days. Meanwhile municipal authorities in Frankfurt have simply resorted to imposing a hefty (flat rate) fine (€25,000) for hoarding. Maybe they need to be sent the link to blitzrechner.de in order to properly define hoarding vs above average consumption.



In the USA – naturally - marijuana has been classed as an essential requirement so all marijuana shops – really?! – are open for delivery or takeaway. The Americans also have a priest who is offering drive through absolutions as parishioners can’t attend church.  I think they copied this from the Irish though who over a week ago were offering drive-through confessions - complete with a blindfolded priest.


In France, staying classy is the order of the day with the news that the manufacture of surgical masks is being handed over to Yves St Laurent and Balenciaga.   Nobody can afford them of course, least of all the NHS which is why in the UK, we are instead relying on the donation of masks and equipment from the sets of Holby City and Casualty. The British are not a race to waste things – although am really not sure the British motto of make do and mend should really apply in current circumstances.  Surely a sturdy Barbour facemask would be more the ticket?

Reports that Putin has released 500 lions onto the streets of Russia to support the local policing of self isolation measures have been roundly debunked as fake news meanwhile no-one has heard from the Italians since their collective balcony singalongs... 



In another first, I have to say thank goodness for Donald Trump though who during his daily Covid-19 briefing announced yesterday that he is busy crafting a ‘sophisticated plan’ (is he taking notes from Baldrick?) and envisages the USA will be back in business by 12th April. That seems oddly specific.  My Family will certainly be hard pressed to beat that as a birthday present.  This was of course all announced as both the cases and the death toll continue to rise in America. He is certainly an optimist if that’s the right word (I’m pretty sure there's other more accurate words for him).



On my daily walk today, I made a strange observation. I live in a village and although I don't know everyone, I do recognise most folk. However, now we are in lockdown I’ve seen countless people out walking who I have never seen before. Either they don't live here or more frighteningly they have never been outside their houses until they were told to stay at home. No accounting for the English quirky sense of rebellion.



Silver Dream Machine came up with a goody today when she was talking about a friend who had gone into self hibernation. I did laugh but on reflection think this is probably the best solution as we could all just go to sleep and wake up when it’s over – no drain on the NHS – job done.



Still not done my windows.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Day 76: Over and out

Technically we do not have a ‘global pandemic’ now so, like the clapping, I am calling a halt to my blog. It has given me enormous fun to write and has kept me sane throughout this whole incarceration and I hope I've put a smile on bored faces. From tomorrow ‘even over 70s’ are being allowed more freedom so as far as I am concerned I will be ‘staying alert’ but have declared the thing over - well for me at least and if footballers can run around then so can I. Enough is enough - I have my mask, my gloves and will take a long stick to keep everyone at bay. Good to know that a Cambridge university professor of Zoology has kept busy over the last few weeks and has come up with some ideas of how we will now manage our lives. Some of his suggestions are that shoppers should pick up all items with tongs (bring your own) and insisting that people walk in a clockwise direction round parks. Now if you can show me anyone under 40 who actually knows what the expression clockwise means th
Read more
Day 25: Happy Easter As it’s Easter this weekend I was considering taking a mini break but have nowhere to go and no means of getting there so it has been suggested to me that to get away from it all it may be an idea to quarter my garden, develop a different theme for each area and then roll a dice to select the 'mini break quadrant'  Ordinarily I’d think this was completely mad, but you know what, I’ve already started planning it. In fact even though I can say hand on heart that I have never and will never go camping this is the one time when nobody will see me and I won’t see anybody so nobody is going to care what I look like least of all me!! I am therefore going to join in with a national campaign to ‘camp out’ at home – well in the garden. Campers up and down the country will be supposedly keeping their spirits up (mine will be wine of course) – and raising money for the NHS we’ll see how it goes. It’s also my birthday on Sunday, not the first on Easter Day bu
Read more
Day 5: Out of the mouths of babes Before the lockdown moves from advisory to martial law, I took the opportunity this week to visit my 7 year old twin god daughters as it could be the last time I see them before they go to university. They seemed quite well apart from an annoying cough and being a little warm but I put that down to the central heating. It was however an opportunity to talk to somebody sane and normal and chat about ordinary things and not the Corona. They are very polite girls and were curious about my necklace. The conversation went as follows: -That’s nice what is made of? -Gold -Is that bit gold? -Yes -Is that bit gold? -Yes -Is it all gold? -Yes -Can I have it when you die? I didn’t stay long.
Read more