Day 10: Computer says no - forced to venture out

I know I said that Mike – CEO from Sainsbury - was listening to me but I take it back. Sorry Mike.  Although he is encouraging the over 70s to order online, every slot is taken with no priority for the elderly. There is supposed to be a system but you need to have a Master’s degree in Computer Science to make it work. It doesn’t have the facility to recognise your age although I know for a fact from all the supermarket emails I’m receiving (see previous blogs) they are well aware of my age and keep telling me – just in case I forget!! They offer a telephone number for any queries – this is permanently engaged or has messages saying ‘our operatives are on the shop floor’ – being trampled on by 70 year olds I would imagine. At this rate we will starve to death before the virus gets us.



So having been unable to book an online shop I ventured out today to buy my essentials as I have been told I can - sunny day, no traffic, so far so good. First dilemma was getting in – 6ft spaced out areas to measure where you should stand to queue but fortunately that didn’t apply. But I had to negotiate an obstacle course of barriers and cones and tape clearly left over from the murder scene last night. First job - trolley - opposite direction then a loop round the car park until I found the entrance. I likened it to the tedious roundabout routes one has to take at Disneyland only no fun ride at the end just a sanitiser and kitchen towel.

Message to Boris – you do not give people guidelines you have to spell it out to them! Being allowed out with members of your family does not mean take every living member of your household including the guinea pig to the supermarket. This has been an ongoing complaint of mine for years - shopping is not a day out, children do not like it, husbands do not like it so why inflict it on the whole family – or maybe the matriarch is trying to kill them all off. I notice they are the ones in masks, bin-liner gowns and gloves nobody else – curious.

Despite children playing hopscotch over the graduated dividing lines and bashing into everyone I eventually managed to get the few items I needed. The shelves were quite well stocked and even had loo rolls which I realised when one of the assistants yelled ‘toilet roll sweep!’ whether as a warning or an invitation I have no idea – I have plenty and as I am not adding dysentery to my waiting list of ailments I left them to it. So, here are the items I recommend you buy this week 


Tabasco

Once your basic supplies have run out, you’ll be trapping vermin and stray pets to eat as a nourishing family meal, and they’ll be made a lot more palatable with a dash of hot sauce.

Alcopops

After a week in quarantine you’ll be drinking at noon just like all homeworkers always have, but they don’t tell you.

Cigarettes

What, you’ve given up? Think you’re going to live forever? Maybe think again! Failing that, you'll be ahead of the game when the inevitable black market economy rises,



Did I do the windows – what do YOU think?



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